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Parenting: What have I been to my children

 

As the chapter of my life unfolds with my becoming a parent, I find myself back in my early childhood days when I try to make sense of every action that my parents do. When either of my sons drew their validating look during those times I issue an uncompromising gesture over their actions, I remember myself the same when I was their age.

Time once halted as I watch them helplessly confined in the loving safety of their mother’s arms, but how it flies as they’ve learned their first step; alas, I see myself on a race to impart them the noble ways to survive in this complex system called life.

The thought of parenting style has suddenly played on my mind; I realize how I take for granted the responses that I’ve made in their presence. It came upon me that I should take into consideration the awareness of how to guide children as they grow up; and in their now preschool age I find this very vital.

Since my children do not have, in their tender age, deep comprehension of words, I try to speak in the language far more subtle yet familiar to them—the language of the eyes. Admonitions much I have enforced over their foul actions, and I let them understand in the emotions depicted in my eyes.  But sometimes I wonder: is it enough to convey my intended message?

There are times when I inadvertently cause them physical pain.  Though I feel the guilt afterwards, I came to deduce that pain is a necessity of growth— like a metal being molded into perfection by the harshness of fire and hammer. Caution however I practice in its application, for I have learned that pain causes hate. Such is the reason why it is said that we have to explain to our kids the reason for our inflicted pain, otherwise, resentments will brew upon their heart: and in time will evolve into hate. Pain needs to be reasonable, and should not be rooted on emotions, for it is the error of many that they hurt their children for no reason other than the whims of their emotions.

I am often deceived by what I think is love; I thought that giving my children what they want is a manifestation of my affection, but soon I learned that I have denied them the wisdom that one cannot have anything he wants in life. Being accustomed to getting everything can lead to arrogance and ungratefulness. I have witness this among the progenies of the rich, some have become so spoiled that they don’t care about anything other than their own satisfaction.

Loving someone entails the agony of allowing them to experience the undesirable. When my son wants something very badly, he would seek my blessing; but when I find it inappropriate, I will deny it. Then I have to bear the guilt of seeing him break down, with river of tears running his face. In time however, such disappointments will make him a better person, that he will learn that there’s always a reason why he cannot have the things he wanted, and such would teach him the virtue of humbleness.

The growth of my child is quickly passing before my eyes. Soon, he will gain his own independence and listen to me no more. But what I impart before such time shall be his guiding light. The day will come when I shall pass, and I want to rest with the knowledge that despite my imperfection I have done my best to shape them in goodness.

 

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5 Responses to “Parenting: What have I been to my children”

  1. Hi Walter,
    We do our best as parents to help our children become independent beings. I know that by giving our kids whatever they want when they want it will not help them to grow.

    I believe as children become older we should instill in them more life lessons.
    Justin | Personal Growth recently posted..Use Online Income to Meet your Financial GoalsMy Profile

  2. Ken Wert says:

    Hi Walter!

    The most important principle I have come across in disciplining my children while keeping their love is to shower an increased amount of love on them after having to scold or otherwise discipline them. After they’ve been corrected, I make sure they don’t perceive me to be an enemy by hugging them and telling how much I love them. I don;t in any way discount the correction. If they needed it, they needed it. I don;t apologize for a correct response to their behavior. But I make sure they don’t misinterpret the discipline as an act of rejection or alienation or the removal of love. That’s best done, I’ve found, by an increase in affection after the deed.

    They do grow so fast (I have a 5 year-old and a married daughter!). It is so important to keep their hearts even when helping to shape and form their characters.

    Thanks for the thoughtful post. I’m glad I found your blog here!
    Ken Wert recently posted..5 Beliefs that will Radically Change Your Life ForeverMy Profile

  3. Grady Pruitt says:

    I know that I have not been perfect as a parent, but I agree. I have learned that you have to set limits with your children, and I have found that with many of these kinds of “battle”, it’s best to start earlier. When you start early, you can usually avoid some of the resistance problems later on when they get used to doing their own thing.

    It’s tough to set limits as a parent. You want them to like you and think well of you. But sometimes, the best way to do that is to not let them do everything that they want.

    Great post!
    Grady Pruitt recently posted..Some thoughts on Occupy Wall StreetMy Profile

  4. Adam Tyler says:

    Kids often know very well that they should not get everything. But they are going to push it every time – they are experimentally testing how far they can go (little scientists they are, aren’t they?).

    They key is to explain them that needs and desires are two different things and you _not them_ understand the difference.
    Adam Tyler recently posted..Eight rules of being supporting parentMy Profile

  5. Anna says:

    Not a day goes by where I don’t often wonder to myself if I have portrayed the right life message to my children… am I spoiling them..? am I too restrictive..? It’s nice to see those feelings expressed by someone else in such a well-written and thoughtful blog post… a very nice post indeed ;-)

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