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Good relationship with people: 3 ways to make it happen

This is a guest post from fellow blogger Eduard Ezeanu

Almost anybody with half a brain and some experience will tell you that relationships between people, be it a friendship or a marriage, require work and attention in order to be as good as they can be. And I agree with this, to a large extent.

At the same time, I believe that if you’re putting in too much effort to make a relationship work, it’s probably not worth it. On a large scale, the thing I believe matters even more is creating for yourself a personal style of socially interacting with others which naturally makes good relationships happen. So if you develop this style, you build a solid foundation which generates good relationships mostly by itself.

Here are the 3 most important elements which I believe compose this style, the elements that make good relationships happen:

1. Be selective. Some people just try to make any relationship, with any person work. I think this is a bad strategy as a whole; because with some of the persons you will meet there will be a natural lack of compatibility which will make the effort you need to put in very big, while at the same time there will be a lot of compatibility with other people which will greatly diminish the required effort.

You don’t need to get along great with everybody. In the long run, meeting more people and selecting the people you interact with is much more efficient than meeting a few people and trying to make every relationship work. It is better if you have a terrible boss to look for another job until you find a good boss, if you’re in a relationship with a bad person to end it and find someone which is much more of a fit for you.

2. Be a person who can provide value. At the end of the day, relationships are transactions. A person wants to interact with you and be a part of your social circle because in some way, you bring value into her life. This value can have many forms: the interesting things you say, your entertaining nature, the good advice you can give, the fact people can rely on you etc.

This is why one of the best things you can do is work yourself as a person and develop yourself. Learn interesting things, travel, have lots of hobbies, experience all sort of things, become an expert in your field, improve your conversational skills or your social confidence. All of these, besides helping you in your life directly, they will also develop your ability to bring value into the lives of others. And when others discover this about you, they naturally get attracted to you.

3. Be honest. You can build a relationship by creating a fake image about yourself, or by telling someone what he wants to hear even if it’s not true. In the short run, these strategies can work. However, studying the effects in the long run, I realized with a lot f clarity that they actually do more harm then good. This is why I always recommend interacting with people and growing relationships based on a philosophy of honesty. It is simpler, cleaner; it builds trust and healthy relationships.

Good relationships with people happen when your character and your social style are those which combine respect for other people, with respect for yourself. From this place, you learn to balance needs, to base relationships on a good foundation and your entire social life takes off.

Eduard Ezeanu is a communication coach with an attitude-based approach. He helps others to improve people skills they find relevant and get top notch results. He also writes on his blog, People Skills Decoded.


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13 Responses to “Good relationship with people: 3 ways to make it happen”

  1. Tiago says:

    Being selective is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. Once I started really picking my friends and lovers in a way that felt like they matched my own standards of ethics, living, personal growth, etc, things just started going better socially.

    That’s the thing about being selective though, once you’re selective you have to decide at some point to abandon many of the friends who no longer resonate with you. That can be painful for a while especially if they’ve been your friends for a long time.

    Still, I feel that personally it’s worth it in the end. Would you rather be surrounded with people you merely tolerate or would rather be surrounded with people you absolutely love. The answer is simple, of course, but it is not so simple.

    How do you actually let go of people you no longer resonate with? That’s the thing about being selective – What the hell are you gonna tell people? “Hi, I am now more selective about my friendships and I no longer want to be with you. Bye.”

    Of course not. :P When we start to become selective about who we spend time with, I feel we can let go of those in our lives who are no longer in resonance with our deepest core.

    And then we move on, onto more love-filled and awesome friendships/relationships!
    Tiago recently posted..Smartphones – Blackberry Torch- iPhone 4- Latest Anroid – Freelance Writing OpportunityMy Profile

  2. Tinh says:

    I love the last point. To be honest will help us build trust with readers :D Tinh recently posted..PayPal Electronic Withdrawal Service for Indian Bloggers Now ResolvedMy Profile

  3. Alien Ghost says:

    Hi Eduard,

    That was amazing! So simple yet so overlooked. Three simple rules to follow that prevent so many disastrous relationships of many kinds and, at the same time, can make frindship and relationship go smoothly and almost in autopilot.

    Great advice :)

    Alien Ghost recently posted..The Problem With LifeMy Profile

  4. Dia says:

    Hi Walter,

    I think being honest is the best thing we can do to have healthy relationships with others.

    Thanks for sharing
    Dia recently posted..How to be happyMy Profile

  5. Rose says:

    I think it is important to be honest. Good relationships are built on trust.
    Rose recently posted..The Versatile Blogger AwardMy Profile

  6. Be Honest (Don’t lie).. but that doesn’t mean you have to tell the person you were puking the night before.

    It also doesn’t mean you have to tell the client you like the Mets (When they are wearing a Yankees T-shirt and holding a Derek Jeter Beer Mug).

    Provide value (Yes)… Some of the time.. Remember to let the other person provide value to you too and let him/her know it. Relationships need to work at close to a 60/40 to be healthy (at least that’s what I think)

    Thank you for providing great information :) Carl Coddington recently posted..5 Must-Have Firefox ExtensionsMy Profile

  7. Sara says:

    Walter — Thank you for having Eduard as a guest writer:~)

    Eduard — I really liked and agreed with everything you said. I know I haven’t practiced all these things, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized the wisdom of them.

    I think the best relationships are made when there’s something in common between people, which is why I think it’s important to be aware of your own personal values and the values of the other person.
    Sara recently posted..Story Photo- Is it the SameMy Profile

  8. Andre says:

    Being human is to be able to communicate with one another unless your chosen profession is a hermit.

    The problem we face as people is that we want others to like and accept us, which sometimes results in a false facade if we are not confident within ourselves of who we are.

    Just be yourself and add value because in the entire earth there is only one unique valuable you.
    Andre recently posted..Comment on You Control Your Destiny 1 by adminMy Profile

  9. pankaj says:

    recently i wanna make lot of friends because i want one of the popular man but making a lot friends harassed me because a most of time i have compromise. so i think people should be selective.

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