Life is all lessons…ignorance is not a destiny…
When I have pledge my eternal love for my wife during our holy matrimony, I was not aware of the gravity of those statements. In such an ideal moment, the thought of living happily ever after danced on my mind—at last I will be with the love of my life for the rest of my life. It was like I was in beautiful dream where everything is magical and bliss is the state of all things.
Several weeks later I woke up from such a surreal state. Never did I imagine that a different reality awaits me. My perception of romantic love was betrayed by the truth I was about to discover. As I share my life with my better half, things go into contradiction from my expectations. The magic feeling that once dwelled in my heart has slowly faltered, what remains is a blurred memory of a wonderful dream.
Marriage, I have learned, is not what it seems to be. The feeling of longing, excitement, anticipation and freedom has faced its slow demise as I spent each day with my partner. I never intended to feel this way; it is just a feeling that brews inside of me as I become accustomed to my marital union. I began to question the true nature of love I had once perceived.
As I go through with my married life I have discovered the following:
True love is not romantic love as many perceive
Our first experience of love seems mystical and magical. We experience overwhelming joy and happiness in the presence of the object of our affection; time also stops as we savor every moment of such a blissful experience. Although I still long for such exhilarating experience, reality tore my hopes. It dawned on me that the concept of love I hold for some time was as shallow as my understanding. I realize that its deeper meaning goes beyond its initial positive manifestation. Love I have learned is not exclusive of harmony and happiness; its true essence rather lies on one’s meaningful sacrifice. Understanding this truth depends on our capacity to evolve from within. Unfortunately, few take heed in discovering love’s deeper meaning—our propensity to be selfish denies us the opportunity to elevate our understanding about the true essence of love.
Self denial will not resolve any conflict
Since I have been blinded by my romantic perception of love, I came to believe that any conflicts can be resolved by suppressing my true feelings. In my belief that anything can be resolved by giving way to the other, conflict will keep itself at bay. In the long run however, I found myself stifled by my denial of what I truly feel. In my effort to be generous of understanding, I felt myself neglected inside. Consequently, my resistance starts to manifest in ways that I’m not aware. Though I may appear valid in my words, my action speaks of contradiction. From this self neglect spawns major conflicts that could have been prevented had I opened myself up to what I truly feel. Sadly, most of us prefer to keep things for ourselves than to face conflicts; little did we know that we can’t keep it for long. Feelings of each much be openly discussed with each other, in this way resentments will be avoided. By not allowing the expression of one’s true feelings, conflicts are sure to abound.
Marriage will nudge you out of your comfort zone
Having a partner in life—one whom we could share everything and anything—I have felt that my life will go much better. But the feel-good expectation was only in the beginning. It came to my surprise that marriage has turned my life upside down. My complacency was shattered as I am forced to step out of my comfort zone to fit in the new life for I have chosen. My once unconquered privacy is now being compromised by the very person whom I have pledged my love. Fine as it may be in the beginning, it becomes annoying as time goes by. The unforeseen challenges and difficulties start to pour as the battle for dominance in each area starts to manifest.
Responsibility nags in every corner
Being single give us all the freedom we need to do what we wish to do. But thriving in marriage life carries with it the responsibility to tend to the needs of the people who rely on you for support, partnership and love. Though I may have responsibilities when I was single, the gravity of my responsibility increases because upon my shoulder bears the well-being of the people I care about. I’m expected to do certain things—to manage, to resolve, to decide, to think, to balance. Oftentimes, the responsibility is too overwhelming that it all seems unbearable.
Marriage is a test of character
Upon deeper contemplation, I learned that marriage is more than an institutionalized partnership. By giving my heart to the one I love, I have also opened myself to the challenges I will face. Marriage will test my capability to evolve as a good husband, a loving father, a true friend, a passionate lover and a person who can be relied upon. Though I find it impossible to be perfect in any areas of my marital life, at least I need to make an effort to do my best to be a better person.
Our current progress has sadly manifested the diminishing integrity of marriage. While it may be ideal to get out of marriage when the partnership itself causes damage to both, it’s not ideal to look for the easy way out when irreconcilable differences arises. If we only allow ourselves the comfort of our own familiar selves then how can we grow as a person? Marriage is one way to develop inner growth; without pain and sacrifice there’s no improvement of the self. I don’t emphasize the need to be martyr in a difficult marriage, but there are certain marital issues that require a little more sacrifice for the benefits to yield.
Marriage I now understand is a process of spiritual growth. It’s our choice whether we allow it to work or not.
To my readers I offer thought provoking compositions about things important that affects our daily lives. Please consider by subscribing below.
Only if you find necessary
DO YOURSELF A FAVOR. GROW IN SPIRIT:
Pitfalls of instant gratification
Crippling habits people embrace
Why are we having problems with problem
How to unleash your true capacity
Nobody wants to listen 96 comment(s) 
Never give up 89 comment(s) 
Why are we having problems with problem? 74 comment(s) 
Criticism: the unwanted mentor 71 comment(s) 
Crippling habits people embrace 70 comment(s) 
Success is nothing to be afraid of 70 comment(s) 
Pitfalls of instant gratification 69 comment(s) 
Success eludes mediocrity 69 comment(s) 
The essence of giving 69 comment(s) 
The caveats of blogging 69 comment(s) 
Love eternal 67 comment(s) How to unleash your true capacity 64 comment(s) 
The counsel of death 63 comment(s) 
Who is to blame? 62 comment(s) 
Lasting aspirations? 60 comment(s) 
Slave of the mind 57 comment(s) Finding myself beyond my identity 55 comment(s) 
Senseless arbitrariness 54 comment(s) 
The reason behind adversities 53 comment(s) 
The only thing you need to know to achieve your goals 52 comment(s) 
Hi Walter, life offers many opportunities that forces us to grow. Getting married is definitely one of them. I am glad you brought up this important subject.
Shang Lee´s last blog ..Escape, but where?
I never thought marriage would be complicated, but it is indeed a means for one’s growth.
You really told it like it is when it comes to marriage. There are plenty of rewards, but it is a lot of work that can challenge us in every area of our lives. It definitely is a path to inner growth and maturity, but there are times I would like to not have to grow quite so much
Jean Sarauer´s last blog ..How to Graduate to Your Next Level of Blogging 
The common response for many when it comes to marriage is to resists the need to evolve. Much as it may be hard at times to chose growth, it’s our for our own benefit.
Great post and thanks for sharing … I agree marriage is a process of spiritual growth, it takes from understanding from both ends and the Glory of God to keep it together.
Fatibony{self help wellness}´s last blog ..Tips to deal with confrontation
The more we evolve from our marriage, the deeper our understanding gets. It’s unfortunate that many seems to elude much effort to this end.
Hi Walter,
Great post, especially the point that real world marriage is nothing like the romantic married life that we cook up in our heads.
It is a true test of character, as you have mentioned.
Moon Hussain´s last blog ..Check-Off Friday (4): Where I Am With My Goals (And Where The Hell Are You With Yours?!)
Romantic love is truly a bliss, but our current reality does not permit such state.
Hi Walter, I believe that it is up to each of us to continue to light that fire within our partnerships. We do have a propensity to become complacent once we are ’settled’ but we should all make a great effort to maintain those loving relationships we have developed.
Enjoy the journey.
Mandy
Mandy Allen´s last blog ..Helping out where we can
I agree with you on this Mandy, in fact, it’s the obligation of both to keep the fire flaming despite the challenges. This way, aach will be tested of their commitment.
You have related a journey of marriage that many experience. There are so many myths about the expectation of marriage and there are the realities of a lifetime partnership. As you found out the journey does reveal much. I have been down the same road and learned much. The key is to build the correct foundation and manage romantic expectations with reality. It would be so much easier if we were clear of mind and spirit when we entered the permanence of marriage.
Mark´s last blog ..If I Won The Lottery …
I believe that marriage requires the openness of both in facing the reality. If either is stubborn of their own expectations then understanding will not ensue. In every union, there’s always a need to let go of ourselves in order to evolve.
I still need to learn a lot from people like you, Walter. I am not married yet and still enjoying my single-hood. Sooner or later I have to face this too.
VanillaSeven´s last blog ..Fires of Eden – Balls of Fire
Enjoy your freedom while you are single. When you get married your time will be divided and you’ll discover some aspects of life that are worth experiencing.
Interpersonal relationships, especially committed ones like marriage, is where the ego likes to come out and play. You are right–they are perhaps our best opportunity to evolve.
Kaushik´s last blog ..Resisting resistance…
Ego has been the enemy in every relationship. If we don’t learn to let go of our ego during marriage, harmonious relationship will be jeopardized.
Getting married was the best decision I have ever made. Not only I found a life partner but it made me grow into a sensible person.
And I agree with some of the comments that it is indeed up to us to keep the spark alive.
Jade´s last blog ..Week 9 – Almost nothing fits anymore!
Part of being married is to maintain that spark of love, even with the test of time.
Hi Walter,
I wonder where the romantic idea of what love should be is coming from. Is it from the the ego?
It seems that we all have felt that way and later realized it’s just imagination having nothing to do with reality.
It’s being in love with the idea of love.
The real love is as you describe born out of our putting our own ego out of the way far enough that love can flourish.
And love doesn’t necessarily mean perpetual bliss even though it might if we were perfect.
The bliss comes when the ego is not and both partners think more of each other than pleasing the self.
Vance
Vance´s last blog ..Email List Building Ebook, How To Build Email List In Any Market
Our ego has its way to defeat the true nature of love. But reality will always prove that love is more of being selfless. Only by setting aside the influence of the ego can we truly love.
Hi Walter,
I agree with what Vance said, “The bliss comes when the ego is not and both partners think more of each other than pleasing the self.” That’s SO true, but can be hard to accomplish if we’re feeling like we’re getting the short end.
I think marriage takes perseverance, patience, communication and faith. When blending two personalities for what is often “till death do us part”, remembering what attracted us to our partner in the first place is often what will get us through those rough spots along the way.
No one promises it will be easy, but when it works, there’s nothing better than knowing your partner has become your “soft place to fall”.
Barbara Swafford´s last blog ..Blog Badges – Beneficial Or A Waste Of Space?
True indeed that marriage takes patience, perseverance, communication and faith. Unfortunately, most couple are not open to these virtues. They would rather be egoistic than to expand themselves from the challenges of marriage.
Wow Walter,
What a great honest and open sharing. You make some great points. Romantic love is construct of human beings. It is a great high but that is all it is. It is interesting to compare western marriage with the idea of arranged marriages in India. The logic behind arranged marriages actually makes a lot of sense. Couples are paired up by the elders based on shared values. No romance involved. The success rate of arranged marriage is quite high.
I was married late in life (age 55) and my wife has taught me so much about myself. When I let my ego go, I can see the lesson in our spats.
Thank you Rob. Romantic marriage falters in time because its based on attraction. while arranged marriage is based on compatibility. No wonder arranged marriage is more successful than romantic marriage. But even so, no two person are the same. There will come a point when differences must be settled. When couples do love each other they will tend to listen to each other and grow together.
Walter, I like this.
In this article you are very clearly presented your thoughts, feelings and beliefs, and because of that, I like this.
I’m not married, so I am not the expert to talk much about this
However, I am in a long-term relationship for almost two years, so I will express some thoughts…
I think that successful relationship is made up of 3 components.
1. It is based around strong mutual attraction and connection at all levels.
2. It is based on trust and allowing your partner to be what he/she choose to be. And vice versa.
3. Anyone who is in a successful relationship has to accept their imperfections, and imperfections of their partner.
Good luck with your marriage and all relations, Walter…
Good luck with your
Marko — Calm Growth´s last blog ..The Current State of Personal Development Scene (On The Internet)
I agree with your thoughts here Marko, especially accepting the imperfections of each other. Most relationship don’t work because of the stubbornness of each to accept the person of the other. Instead of extending understanding, each try to change the other. I believe that change comes only after acceptance.
Wow. I’m with Rob, your post was like reading poetry. I’m now a dedicated fan of your writing and Lionslinger.com!
Very good insight on what’s to be expected with marriage, I don’t believe I’ve ever heard such a descriptive view point on this subject.
Thank-you.
–Parker
Parker Lee | howtomingle.com´s last blog ..9 Ways To Say I Like You
Hey thanks Parker. I’m glad to have provided you with some useful insights.
I think though someone may find the love of their life at 18 and then another may find it at 40, it is important to realize that age and marriage are important aspects to consider when you are getting married. I believe that only after having experienced and enjoyed the single life that someone should step into marriage, and though love must be an aspect as well, one must think rationally about marriage. This is a great post and it’s good to let people know that the initial “happily ever after” feeling does subside and reality kicks in.
Robby G´s last blog ..The Suitable Couple?
I think marriage is a beckon for self improvement. WE cannot grow if we limit ourselves on our comfort level. Marriage is a way to develop us to a better person.
Hey Walter,
Thanks for such an open and honest sharing of your journey in your marriage. I’ve also been married recently too and I’ve learned that marriage is all about giving.
Yeah, that initial “romantic” period does fade away, but the next level of experience changes you deep down as a person. I know that my marriage is one of the reasons why I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone as you mentioned and is enabling me to be a better man!
Great post here Walter,
Bailey
Bailey Ing´s last blog ..Why did the Internet Marketer Cross the Road? Wanna Find Out?
I haven’t married yet but I have been blogging about serious relationships. One thing I’ve realized is that commitment is doing the things you say you will do long after the feeling is gone. You’re right, that doesn’t mean being a martyr, it means that if you love your wife, you will need to change. You will need to grow and progress.
Keeping our feelings silent is not helpful. And you’re right it manifests itself into terrible unconscious action. But I’ve found that talking about the hard topics, facing the hard truth means that we are being our true self and expressing our true feelings.
I’ve found it hard on my relationship at times, but it has always made it better and more loving with my own girlfriend.
Great article again Walter.
Vincent Ng- Conversation Arts´s last blog ..How I Used Toy Story 3 to Make Conversations Interesting
[...] For another great article on Realties of Marriage check out 5 Truths You Need to Know About Married Life [...]