Life is all lessons…ignorance is not a destiny…
This is a guest post from John Anyasor, author of HiLife2B.
Wouldn’t it be great if there was a “know-it-all’s guide to life”? If we knew our entire future (when to expect a death in the family, when you’ll meet your first love, or when you can expect to be depressed) how exactly would we react to it?
Would we be completely prepared for all the pitfalls and the breakthroughs so much so that we would live life with complete expectation?
Or would we think it more interesting to throw out the manual and simply live our lives naturally?
Regardless of what you answer, there’s no question that life is fairly unpredictable. Almost anything is possible, and sometimes can serve to blindside us, no matter how prepared or oblivious we may be.
Nonetheless, there are certain things that we wish were stamped on our foreheads as soon as we crawled out of the womb. I mean, it wouldn’t kill us to have just a teensy bit of wisdom to cushion our pitfalls in life a little more or make the bright spots that much easier to reach.
These are the 8 pieces of advice that I wish somebody gave me before I was old enough to learn them myself:
We are not invincible
As a child, I used to believe that nothing could touch me. My skin was made of carbonated steel and any sort of physical hindrance was no match for my limitless strength. Even when I got my first cut, I thought that was the absolute worst thing that could happen to me. Then one day, I saw the remains of a car accident outside of our family’s apartment. Twisted metal and scraps of debris lay everywhere. I saw one of the drivers wheeled to an ambulance on a stretcher.
At that moment, I learned that we are not invincible, no matter how good or bad of a person we are. Lovers, friends, and even family: they will all come and go. Because of this, always live out your days as if they were your very last.
Oh, generic advice, you say? Actually it’s really not. Despite what you may think, your last days are rarely ever spent traveling all over the world, or living it up at a final party bash, like everyone thinks they are. Last days are usually spent in accepting your fate, reminiscing of the things you have done in life and thinking about what changes you can still make — even in that small window of time you have left.
You can’t possibly please everyone
Remember the days when you used to say, “If you do x, I won’t be your friend anymore?” It had to be either your way or the highway. Unsurprisingly, those times haven’t changed, but now people just word it differently. Instead of threatening to relinquish your friendship, they’ll just tell you how weird you are. If you have an original and remarkable idea, they’ll tell you it’ll never work.
People love to criticize.
But realize that you cannot make everyone happy. More importantly, however, realize that it’s not your job to please everybody. Do what you have a desire to do and live your life the way you choose to, no matter how different or how out of the ordinary it is.
Pain and pleasure go hand in hand
To get the ultimate pleasures in life you must deal with the ultimate pain. The path to happiness is never easy — to stay on it can be very strenuous, due to the ever-present influences of peer pressure, old people, and other distractions. There will be bumps in the road that will hinder your progress and there will be unpredictable instances that will test your resilience.
The trick is to not let that deter you. Many of us settle for the moderate pleasure of a normal live. Eventually they learn to love it. But if you want a different life for yourself, namely one that not may others can claim to have lived, be prepared for the hardships.
Put everything you’ve got into your best ideas
An interesting idea will not put itself into action without your consistent effort. Gone are the days when you were young and everybody dismissed your thoughts as wishful thinking. Now, as an adult, you have power. You have a voice. But even so, you are still going up against the status quo and the negativity of others. As I said above, your unusual ideas will be criticized, but you’ll still have to put everything you’ve got into proving them wrong.
You will never know how life-changing your ideas will become if you put real, honest effort into them.
Find people who like you for you
This is one of the lessons that I most wish someone would’ve told me. I admit that in high school, I would allow my friends to shape my appearance (the way I dress) because I was afraid of having no friends and having nobody to like me. Now things have changed.
In this day and age, we are no longer stuck in our environment. We don’t have to accept people into our inner circle who try to change us into something else. Thanks to the internet, we can connect with people all over the world. If you have unusual interests, there’s probably someone who likes it just as much as you do.
Always be confident (even if you have no basis for it)
Another gem worth sharing. To be fair, this is an attitude that I cultivated as a child, but seem to have just started relearning. A lot of people don’t feel like they’re warranted in having high opinions of themselves.
Do you remember when you were a child and felt invincible? It was at that time you felt the happiest and most innocent. Now, with a “realistic” view of yourself, it’s not as easy to recapture that happiness.
Take a hint — if you were happiest when you felt the most confident in yourself, why exchange it for a realistic self-image? It doesn’t matter if your confidence is warranted or not, all that matters is if you feel good about yourself.
Learning is marvelous
The process of learning is something that should be highly valued. Over time, we have come to believe that having an education is synonymous with “staying in school for 12 or so years”. This is not what I’m talking about.
Instead, we should come to hold the process of learning to high regard. The act of growing, evolving, and understanding — it is something to be truly admired. It allows you to view life from a number of different perspectives and connect with a multitude of cultures.
When you find something you are really interested in learning about, a passion within you is born.
What you do now adds to or subtracts from who you will ultimately become in life
Even now, I forget this great piece of advice. Every action you take, whether it gives you enjoyment or sadness, pain or pleasure, and opportunity or failure, all culminates to who you will become in the future. Still eating Big Macs everyday? Those calories with eventually catch up with you. Are you someone who tries to spread value through your art? You’ll quickly become popular. Are you learning a subject you find interesting? One day you may become a master in that subject.
I highly recommend not doing things that aren’t in line with your ideal image of your future self. Bad habits are hard to break, so you might as well participate in good ones that will no doubt steer you towards your ultimate destiny.
John Anyasor is the creator of HiLife2B. There he gives advice on personal development, inspiration, and motivation. A second year undergrad, he seeks to one day break the cycle of entering the dreaded 9-5 by achieving the life he wants and helping others at the same time. Follow him on Twitter.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/CJAnyasor
Website: http://hilife2b.com/blog
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Great article! I can’t believe that at 41 I’m only just learning “You can’t possibly please everyone”. It’s something I’ve heard several times over the years but it hasn’t had meaning to me until recently.
Also the points you make about confidence ring very true! Thank you
Hey Dave, glad you like the post. It’s funny this advice still applies today. It doesn’t matter how many people agree with you, it just matters that those certain people agree.
I remember reading this from someone (possibly Gary V. or Seth Godin). It’s like don’t waste time trying to convert people. Move with those who are already like you.
.-= John´s last blog ..Interview with Glen Allsopp On How to Reach Your Dreams =-.
Hi John,
Great list of things that everyone should learn before it’s too late. For myself, I wish I was told to enjoy being young (when I was) and to not take life so seriously. We have a tendency to want to grow up so fast and ‘be adults’, that we can miss out on so much along the journey.
Thanks for sharing,
Karen
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Major Benchmark Today – My 100th Post =-.
Hey Karen, I wholeheartedly agree. Youth is meant to be utilized to the fullest, both in truly living and in working. I’ve come to realize over the past few months that we must do what is best for our happiness.
I advocate working hard doing something we love. That way we make a sustainable income working on our passion. Isn’t that a win-win?
You may have not used your youth as excitingly as you may have wanted, but you can still live. So live.
.-= John´s last blog ..Interview with Glen Allsopp On How to Reach Your Dreams =-.
Learning it was impossible to please everyone ultimately freed me. It took me years to understand that every person would have different expectations for me, and if I let those expectations determine the course of my life, I literally would have no life.
.-= Jean Sarauer´s last blog ..Top Blogging Mistakes Revealed =-.
I think this is going to be a really big one for everybody. We live in a society that thrives on pleasing others (getting the latest model of the Ipod to look cool and buying mountains of handbags to be popular) but in the end it doesn’t matter.
We should be focusing on valuable experiences which make us happy, not things that please others.
.-= John´s last blog ..Interview with Glen Allsopp On How to Reach Your Dreams =-.
You are so right on with all the items in your list. Learning is a lifelong process and although I identified with all the points you made this one resonates: “It doesn’t matter if your confidence is warranted or not, all that matters is if you feel good about yourself.” Until we learn how to love our “self” we lack self confidence and even when we do it may waver, but once we learn how to become our own best friend we can put what you shared into practice and spread the love that sustains us all.
.-= timethief´s last blog ..On Awareness, Gratitude and Conscious Living =-.
Hey TT, happy you loved this list. Learning and confidence are the two keys to everlasting happiness. To have the courage to love yourself and be yourself is priceless. Even more so is the love of learning: without it, we can never truly grow.
.-= John´s last blog ..Interview with Glen Allsopp On How to Reach Your Dreams =-.
Great list, I, above all like this: “Learning is marvelous”. Each time we learn something new we become more confident and our understanding develops. The more we learn, it seems the more that our innate wonder kicks in, and as we follow our natural curiosity, we grow.
.-= Sandra Hendricks´s last blog ..Prescriptions for Happiness Continued =-.
Sandra, we definitely have the same love of learning. I agree in that it helps us to grow and improves our understanding of the world. Even though we may not learn everything there is to know by the time we expire, it’s okay.
Learning is indeed a lifelong process, and well worth every amount of effort. Like imagination, knowledge is limitless.
.-= John´s last blog ..Interview with Glen Allsopp On How to Reach Your Dreams =-.
I love the list, especially to allays be confident!
.-= LenciB: fallingintofavor´s last blog ..April Goals Evaluated =-.
Happy to hear it, Lenci. Thank you!
.-= John´s last blog ..Interview with Glen Allsopp On How to Reach Your Dreams =-.
John,
Good job. I began to answer the question as “no”. That is because I actually believe little things in life will “switch” us to another track of life. Similar to train tracks running through a train yard. That is the excitement of not knowing all.
But noooo, you did not allow me to stay there.
You begin to point out some great thoughts that makes living more fulfilling. Thank you so much.
Vonzel “Maxafier”
.-= Vonzel Sawyer´s last blog ..Failure Works! =-.
Hey Vonzel,
Happy to hear that I threw you for a loop. I tend to do that sometimes.
If we knew these life lessons right off the bat, I’m certain living would be much more enjoyable and easier to manage for all of us.
You’re welcome for the post.
.-= John´s last blog ..Interview with Glen Allsopp On How to Reach Your Dreams =-.
“Last days are usually spent in accepting your fate, reminiscing of the things you have done in life and thinking about what changes you can still make — even in that small window of time you have left.”–this is exactly what happened shortly before my mom passed on. She wondered if she had been a good enough mom, if she had done enough in her life, what she would have done differently if she believed more in her ability to do so.
Great post, and so true.
.-= Jeniffer´s last blog ..Terrific Tips For Combating Stress =-.
Thanks so much Jennifer.
I’m sorry to hear about your mother’s passing. I’m glad that you and I can understand how she felt before she passed on. It’s important to live every day of our lives learning something about ourselves, helping to improve the world in however small way we can.
Be well, and take care.
.-= John´s last blog ..The Pretty Lies We Tell Ourselves Debunked =-.
Great guest post! This post is so important to me, because I feel like I ever wanted to have someone who could give me some of his wisdom about life. There is no grandpa anymore who could take me aside to speak words of wisdom to me, neither a mentor who would do that to me. This is why I love people like you who share their life experiences with others, mostly younger ones. I really appreciate that!
About the blogpost itself, it’s a bit different from what I’ve expected, in a positive way. You are inspiring! Look at that for example:
“You will never know how life-changing your ideas will become if you put real, honest effort into them.”
I bet it’s true, but I have never experienced it for my self .. yet! So that’s what you’ve gave me: Evidence that there are other “geeks” out there who think as crazy as I do, that anyone could change the world in some way just by pursuing the path of his own ideas. Thanks for that!
Thanks Mike! I’m glad I could help you out in some small way. It pays to have someone mentor you on the hardships and truths of life. I’ve experienced plenty and I’m glad that I can share what I know.
In regards to my quote, I’ve taken a leap into the unknown world of blogging to inspire people.
You can do it to, my friend. Just believe and take action.
.-= John´s last blog ..The Pretty Lies We Tell Ourselves Debunked =-.
An amazing post! Everything is a great piece of advice we should all keep in mind more often. It’s easy to succumb to the immediate without thinking long-term, wasting time worrying about what people will think of us, about what we’re going to do on the weekend… without taking the time to do things that are ultimately going to better us as people, for the long-term. I really enjoyed this.
.-= Emily Jane´s last blog ..PUBLISHED! =-.
Happy to hear it Emily! Although it is important to live in the present, understand that your present actions still, in a way, alter you future.
Know the hard work you put in now will eventually pay off in the end. Nothing else (what negative things people say, for example) matters as much as your own ultimate end that you see for yourself.
.-= John´s last blog ..The Pretty Lies We Tell Ourselves Debunked =-.
Hi John,
Excellent! I hope you refuse to enter the dreaded 9 to 5 life zapper chamber, which by the way has morphed into 8 to 5:30 at some places. How can we keep people corralled up like that and expect them to still be enthusiastic? It makes no sense.
All your lessons are spot on, especially learning is marvelous. And, yes, like you I also mean real learning, the kind you do to answer your own life questions — rather than the be tethered to a chair all day for pre-work training.
Who comes up with this stuff?
Thx and be confident about opening your own biz! you can do it …
Giulietta, always musing.
.-= Giulietta´s last blog ..What makes you get up in the morning? =-.
Thanks Giulietta! I hope so too — I just can’t see myself working for that long doing something that may or may not be interesting work.
And 8 to 5:30? That’s insane! What do they expect them to do with all that time?
They should be using that time to learn important skills. For example, this summer, I’m really upping the ante on Spanish. The plan is 4 hours a weekday, so that should prove interesting. It’ll be my first life experiment on the blog!
Thanks for your encouragement. I hope to be have a business soon enough.
.-= John´s last blog ..The Pretty Lies We Tell Ourselves Debunked =-.
Great post on life.
The things you listed as must knows are very, very good. We get so caught up in what we feel everyone thinks we should do & say that we forget to listen to our own voice and stand out for who we are.
Everyone has a special gift to share with the world. to find that is truly living full out!
Val
.-= Val Wilcox´s last blog ..A Journey into Self- Discovery =-.
Exactly, Val. Everyone should feel entitled to their own opinion and should not feel bad if people don’t agree. Take the criticism that you feel necessary, but make your own decision based on what you believe is right.
Everyone has a gift to share. Just give yourself a chance to make it shine through.
.-= John´s last blog ..The Pretty Lies We Tell Ourselves Debunked =-.
Lovely, every bit of it!~
Some of the points you list are really rites of passage as we pass first one decade then another.
There is a threshold that most actually do cross and that is that you become comfortable with who you are and are happy with your own company. When that happens you realize that not only do you not need to please everyone or be liked by everyone, but that you can stand up and disagree, that you can choose whom YOU want in your circle and not the other way around.
Learning, now that’s a different story. Actually we never stop although sadly many of us do not reflect on that which life teaches us. But learning of the other kind – the concentrated effort to understand something, be knowledgeable, improve your intelligence, now that is a worthy pursuit that should never stop.
Thank you for light the old sawdust burner
.-= Valentina´s last blog ..Collecting Experiences vs Things =-.
Valentina, thank you very much. I too love the fact we are no longer subject to our environment. As children, we couldn’t really escape who we were surrounded by because we wanted to belong. Now, as grown up men and women, we can pick who we surround ourselves with.
I agree that self-reflection is an invaluable skill that helps us rise to even greater heights. Never forget its importance.
.-= John´s last blog ..The Pretty Lies We Tell Ourselves Debunked =-.
I can’t really say anything different than what others have already shared but I just want to thank you for sharing it! One of the best posts out there right now because it speaks to the heart of every individual in one form or another. I’ll continue to follow your posts because of it.
Kellie Frazier dot com
.-= Kellie Frazier´s last blog ..From Low Self Worth To Careers From The Kitchen Table – Anything is Possible! =-.
Thanks Kellie! Glad to hear it. I really seek to give value with every post. I’m glad a few people got something out of it.
.-= John´s last blog ..The Pretty Lies We Tell Ourselves Debunked =-.