Life is all lessons…ignorance is not a destiny…
As I am trying to find the words to give light on the subject of blame, I’m presently beleaguered by unfavorable circumstances challenging my composure. First, nothing seems to come up of my mind with regards to the right association of words to convey my point. Second, no matter how much I want to make my day perfect, it doesn’t seem to fit my expectations. I blame my unproductive writing schedules on my frequent writer’s block; I blame the people around me for not supporting me in my endeavors; I blame my environment for not being conducive to my plan of action. At any bad day, I always look forward for someone or something to put my blame.
Looking at myself being in the scenario disclosed above, I can’t help but to be mystified at how easy it is for me to put on the attitude of blame. In my foolish attempt to retaliate against the series of unfortunate events happening to me, I have put on all of my energies in finding objects (things, events and people) to unleash my anger and dissatisfaction. But much to my dismay, this act has only compounded my misery and as well as burying me further into confusion.
None of us are immune to the call of blaming. When faced with negative situations beyond our control, our initial reaction is to find where we could attribute such unfavorable circumstances. Rather than taking the responsibility of acknowledging the situation, we prefer to dodge thru finger pointing. Who doesn’t? Isn’t it much easier to blame than to make some painstaking effort for deep analysis?
Blaming has been our favorite scapegoat—always has and always will be. Instead of dealing with what is, we resist by enforcing our idealistic beliefs. Since we try to frame everything according to our expectations, our minds have created certain arbitrary principles that serve as our guide in judging the appropriateness of the events unfolding around us; when these principles are devalued, we retaliate by addressing such discordance on external misapprehensions. Consequently, we have shunned the opportunity to look ourselves above the situation; we are then mired in our self-imposed inability to enforce influence on other aspects that could have otherwise improved our lot. I believe that the source of this limiting attitude is our poor understanding of our human nature and of the realities of life. Aside from this, there are many contributory factors in our environment that enforces this tendency. Let me sight some of the most influential.
Within the confines of our family, we oftentimes lay witness to the unfolding of blame. Our learning first comes from our parents, and if our parents have been unfortunate in terms of growth and maturity, we will unconsciously inherit their lack. And when we grow up, the cycle continues; we will blame our parents for the same shortcomings we are displaying to our offspring. Since we are unaware of our tendencies, we continue a generation of decay.
Our society contributes the same. When I watch television or read the newspaper, I am quite disappointed at the never ending bickering and finger pointing among media personalities, celebrities and politicians; being an audience, we unconsciously absorb these negative facts and incorporate it as part of our idealism. Again, we are inoculated with self-defeating beliefs. What can we get from all of this? Does it provide us something that will enhance our lot in life? Why must we continue this cycle of ignorance?
The sad truth is that majority of us are poisoned into believing that by constant blaming we can make things better (if not now maybe in the times to come). We blame the government for our ailing economy; we blame our lack of know-how for our inability to achieve our goals; we blame our poverty for not being able to live a decent life; we blame God for our misfortunes. We blame, blame, blame, without realizing that it’s getting us nowhere. We have to stop this debilitating mindset before it completely enfeebles our creativity.
The time is NOW. Unburden yourselves with your stubborn hold of false idealisms. The problem with us is that we are never flexible enough to accept the uncertainty of all things. Remember, nothing is ideal in this world. Everything changes. Life will never favor our whims because it has a flow of its own; if we try to resists we will just be punishing ourselves. We must learn to redirect our focus on other channels where we can gain some benefits. When you’re having a nice picnic at the park and it suddenly rains, don’t get angry and blame the untimely weather; instead, let go of resistance and sing in the rain.
Don’t focus on things you cannot change, rather we must find some ways to liberate us from the things that’s making our life difficult. Only you have the power to improve your situation, it’s your responsibility.
Our time in this life is extremely short. In all creations, we are the most superior because we are capable of defying our organic nature, unlike the rest of creations who are helplessly bound to their natural instincts. We are not meant to live a life of inferiority; only one percent of the world’s population knows this truth.
“Blame is just a lazy person’s way of making sense of chaos.”
–Doug Coupland
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It is always easier to pass on the responsibility for the problems to someone else than accepting it is us the one to blame; when we do that, we can go on continuing to live without the responsibility of taking charge of our own lives; we remain children.
At the other hand, being always ready to take the blame, even if it is in the honest attempt to improve our lives a little more everyday, we risk becoming overwhelmed with the responsibility it implies and could end up destroying our already low self esteem.
Personally I believe the problems is in exactly that, our low self esteem, that force us to dodge responsibilities in order to protect our own fragile self assurance. When you see a professional sportsman that has already proven his capabilities time and again, he doesn’t avoid taking the responsibility for his mistakes; he knows one mistake doesn’t compromise his quality.
Real self assurance is the quality most people lack in this society; so the empty place left by it is filled with the automatic self defense mechanism available: the capability to blame. Those who grow their minds and obtain a wider vision of life and the world around become more self assured and with it, blame to other is reduced to its minimum expression.
My personal opinion of course.
Raul
Alien Ghost´s last blog ..Eternal Life as a Tale
Actually, low self esteem is one of the culprit for our tendency to blame. Oftentimes, we feel so helpless that we want to justify our weakness by blaming outside factors. Unfortunately, few of us are willing to grow and accept our responsibilities of facing the challenges of life.
Thanks for adding light on this subject.
Really good advice. Sometimes the biggest difference between success and failure is whether you take responsibility for your actions or shift the blame to someone else.
Steven | The Emotion Machine´s last blog ..How To Combat Work Overload
But Alien ghost makes a good point, how do we balance not blaming others but not blaming self? If I admit a mistake, I find people become not forgiving, which they don’t have to, but viscious and blaming. We can, I don’t like to use the word destroy as Alien has, but we can end up feeling it was our fault 100% not the others and that to me is just as unfair as blaming the other person.
I love that quote at the end there. ““Blame is just a lazy person’s way of making sense of chaos.” I think that’s true at least in developed countries.
I think it’s so easy to blame things. I blame my circumstances of being here in China stuck behind the Great Firewall of China for not being able to build a strong social media presence. In the end I just have to focus on other areas until I move from here.
Gordie´s last blog ..Six Things You Should Do Daily To Succeed. 
Though blaming is an easy way out to deny reality, we should always remember than we are the one’s who will suffer in the end. Focusing on other alternatives is the best approach to gain some advantage.
On an episode of Futurama, when in a bad situation, Bender said something along the lines of “Aw, this sucks. It’s all everybody else’s fault.” I loved that quote because it’s such an accurate portrayal of many people’s reactions when they encounter bad situations.
I also liked the idea somebody said that there’s a point in our life that we should stop blaming our parents for whatever problem that you are having. There’s a point in life where we should just grow up and stop blaming. And it’s good when that happens sooner than later.
Part of our personal growth is to accept the state of things. The more we resits it, the more we become stagnant.
Hey Walter,
Interesting subject here. I think blame is a natural result of being angry or displeased with something. It’s a sort of focused aggressiveness, at what we believe to be the cause. So in a way, I don’t blame us humans for blaming.
This being said, blame can be disempowering, if we blame the wrong cause, which a lot of us do. I believe is sort of a strategic blaming, which motivates you instead of giving you excuses to act like a victim.
Good luck,
Eduard
Ideas With A Kick´s last blog ..Your ability to smoothly handle hearing ‘No’ is crucial
The problem with our natural instincts is that we are forced to believe that a particular object is the cause of our discordance. Although I find some plausibility in this argument, this tends to lock us on the problem, not on the solution.
What you said is true, blaming can be disempowering, unless we stop brooding about it.
Lucky for me, I usually blame myself. After all, I’ve made some kind of choice in most of the matters.
If I wasn’t me after all, well then, everything is a great learning experience. Even others mistakes. It’s up to me how I live and react to life. I choose happiness and making the best of it.
Angelia´s last blog ..Why I heart Facebook <3
Blaming ourselves is healthy, so long as we learn from it. If we keep on blaming ourselves for thing we have nothing to do, then it’s a sign of low self-esteem.
“Blame is just a lazy person’s way of making sense of chaos.”
I like this quote a lot and this is the first I’ve come across it.
Taking personal responsibility for everything in our lives will truly bring us so far ahead that we can’t imagine until we actually take action on doing so.
Eric´s last blog ..The Way I Blog With Ease
Powerful quote isn’t it? Blaming is a form of denial, and any form of denial can lead us more to misery.
Ahhh…the famous blame game. I agree with Angelia, I usually blame myself. The next step is to know better next time. As you stated we can only control ourselves. Learn the lesson and move on with life:D.
Exactly. Why must a simple fact be complicated?
Blaming others can make sense..
Try not to repeat same mistake and go on with new motivation..
Never blame others when you fail ..
poorblogger´s last blog ..Make money online not easy as you think
Perhaps it could make sense but the question is: will it alleviate our situation.
Hi Walter,
The blame game is a waste of time and the quote you used at the end is just perfect.
I spent a good portion of my twenties blaming others for my misery. All that did was make me more miserable. Ultimately, we have to take responsibility for how we live. Yes, people may do bad things to us but if we allow that to paralyze us then that is our mistake too.
Life is what we make out of it. None of us are perfect. So we learn by our experiences and we have to be accountable for our actions whether they are good or not so good.
Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..Forgiveness in a Paper Cut
Indeed, blaming is a waste of time and energy. But we humans are foolish enough not to realize this error on our part, how unfortunate.
Thanks for sharing an excellent point here.
Great article, Walter
It’s much easier to blame others for our misfortune, but that makes us the victim and gets us nowhere. No one matures whilst blaming external forces. People need to look within.
I think the saying is “Be the change that you want to see in the world”.
Very insightful.
Karen
Karen´s last blog ..Just For Today Challenge, Day 24: Plan Your Meals
How we love to play the victim. Why not? It’s a good excuse for our denial to face responsibility. But in the end, we are the ones who suffer.
I like your quote of being the change. Unfortunately, most of us don’t want that change.
I think we have become so accustomed to finding blame in others and in our circumstances that it requires much more effort to actually take responsibility for our situation and the consequences of our actions- self-inflicted or not. Taking the initiative to respond to those obstacles we encounter gracefully is an acquired skill- one I think we all could work on.
I can’t agree more Reilly. Taking the initiative to respond to the obstacles w face can be learned. Although it will never be easy. For it is our nature to resist change.
What a great read, and so true a perspective on our society. No one ever seems to want to except responsibility and tackle problems.
I like many others have become very disappointed with our current president, for the fact that all he ever does is blame Bush. Who cares, whose to blame, let’s pick ourselves up by our boot stapes and do what needs to be done. But instead, in politics and in life it seems, everyone wants to blame others to save face and make themselves appear as saints.
In most cases, we’re all to blame.
What you said is very true in our time. With so many blaming happening around, especially those who are in power, how can we be sure of our future. Scary isn’t it?
A lot of food for thought here. The big questions to me are not who is to blame but how to avoid making the same mistakes over and over.
Jack´s last blog ..What I Dream About
We are not perfect, but we are fools if we not learn from our mistakes.
Two things:
By blaming others we entitle ourselves to become victims and not take any action to fix the situation.
Taking responsibility for our situation, puts us behind the wheel and forces us to take action.
You can either be the passenger or the driver in life. It’s your pick.
Best,
Tomas
Good point Tomas. Unfortunately most of us choose to be victims. Such a waste if we allow ourselves to be.
I really liked the post today. Taking personal responsibility is more liberating than we first imagine. It makes us free to take positive action and change a bad situation. Make it a great week!
Erin´s last blog ..Be Strong and Courageous
Taking personal responsibility takes time to develop, but its all worth it in the end. It gives us freedom to chose our response to every situation.
Hi Walter,
I used to be great at the blame game, usually blaming others too rather than myself. Now I take responsibility, which I don’t think is quite the same as blaming myself. There’s a subtle difference which is more empowering
Hilda´s last blog ..Feel afraid and act anyway 
Most of us are gifted when it comes to blaming. However, when it comes to facing the truth, we play dumb. Taking responsibility is not easy, but it’s a must for our growth.
Much to my dismay, [blaming others] has only compounded my misery I frequently have the opportunity to watch people become more and more upset and miserable as they rant on and on about the misery others have caused them. Why give others that much power over you? Just because they messed up one part of your day, why let them ruin it all?
It still is a mystery to me why we are so gullible when it comes putting blame. We don’t even realize that for each second that we put on blaming others, we are loosing a precious time in our life. Instead of being proactive, we waste it all on nonsense.
Fantastic post!
I have just written a guest post for Dave Doolin in which I talk about ‘Stop Crying and Do It’ same applies here, too many excuses and far too many reasons to project your failings onto others.
It’s your fault, adjust your attitude and get on with it!
RT’ing now, awesome
TheInfoPreneur´s last blog ..Why You Should Treat Your Site As A Sniper Rifle
Much as it is hard to put the blame on ourselves, we should. After all, blaming others keeps us mired in misery.
Well constructed and portrayed piece of unique ingenuity and I am so glad I have added your blog to my watch list 2010 below. Real food for thought and for the soul… Brilliant!!!
Fatibony{self help wellness}´s last blog ..62 More Personal Development Blogs – Watch List 2010
Thank you for the complement and I’m truly glad you have included me in your extensive list of fabulous blogs. Again, thanks a lot.
Even self blame is a huge problem if it is unwarranted. I know I blamed myself, for years, for things that were completely out of my control.
I LOVE your point that, “Life will never favor our whims because it has a flow of its own.” So true!
Blaming is a habit we should remove from our minds. It serves no purpose other than keeping us in misery.
Blame is a strange animal …
I think there are times when there is indeed good reason to blame someone. Those times are usually beyond our control, such as corruption within governments to such a degree that the country’s citizens are completely disenfranchized – it certainly is not their fault. However for the citizens of such a circumstance it does them no good to wallow in the blame game, nor does it do them any good to take responsibility. It is a sad situation that the best they can do is to stay under the radar of someone else’s blame pointing finger.
Back to our situations. While I believe that we are where we are because of choices we have made in the past, accepting blame for something that is clearly not ours to accept leads to a weaker society in the end.
On the other hand … when you screwed up, own up to it baby!
best…………..valentina
Valentina´s last blog ..Tools of the Trade
While it is true that there are some things worthy of blame, we can’t make the situation better for ourselves if we are stuck in it. Although we may suffer for the poor judgment of the people whom we count on for our welfare, we do have a choice of making something better out of it. After all, life is what we make out of it.
Thanks for sharing an interesting point here.
Excellent posting. Like the blog site in general! You are touching some very important life or death matters here: our way of being in life.
Thanks for stopping by.
Yun´s last blog ..Dating 101: Are Relationships like an Engineering Project?
Thanks for the compliments Yun.
Walter,
Thank you for visiting my blog. I appreciate your feedback on an important topic.
It’s true that the “blame game” is a waste of precious time and energy.
I think too many people do fall into the trap of focusing on finger-pointing rather than getting at the source of problems.
While there are times when it is appropriate to cast light on people/corporations/government policies that are causing significant problems (hurting people, causing ill health for consumers with unsafe products, mistreating the Earth, human rights violations, etc.), there are too many cases where people blame others for things rather than self-reflect and self-analyze.
We all need to take responsibility for issues that are ours to manage. We are all accountable for our own actions.
Jeanne
Jeanne´s last blog ..Privacy Rights For Infertility Patients
I believe that we can make this world a better place if we focus more on improving our lot than to waste our time and energy on blame. Every moment of our time is precious, we should use it productively.
And if the person tends to blame himself more? It’s still horrible, isn’t it?
jan geronimo´s last blog ..When a Question Is the Answer
Yes it does. It oftentimes lead to depression.
The question shouldn’t be who to blame. What’s the point? The question should be who will take the responsibility. You give out responsibility, you lose power to do something about it. You take responsibility, you withhold the power to make changes and improve things for better.
p.s. : I absolutely love Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. One book I keep getting back to again and again. Awesome simplicity. Beautiful flow.
Avani Mehta´s last blog ..10 Fabulous Motivators That Inspire You To Take Action – Part II
Exactly, but most people are finding someone or something to blame. And they don’t get the point that there’s no point. Anyway, wisdom is within us all, we have to give it a chance to reflect it in our lives.
Talk minus Action = Zero.
If we blame, it may be an expression of us noticing something is going wrong. You’re absolutely right about what to do next: The important thing is to get moving and change it, if we can; or accept things as they are, if we cannot.
Fabian | The Friendly Anarchist´s last blog ..The Problem of Perception
Talking, complaining and blaming will lead us nowhere. Only by doing something productive can we ameliorate the negative circumstances that we perceive.
Before blaming others, we must analyze ourselves. We are responsible for what we are doing.
Golf´s last undefined ..Response cached until Sun 31 @ 18:44 GMT (Refreshes in 23.69 Hours)
You have an excellent advice here. Before tuning on to others we must first turn to ourselves.
I think blame is one of the easiest things for any of us to do. Well, it’s hard for only children because we only have pretend friends to blame stuff on. lol
There’s this thing, however, where sometimes reality sounds like blame, and we have to be on guard for that. For instance, one might want to blame the president of a company for something an employee did, and the president would be correct in saying he or she didn’t have anything to do with something. It’s not dodging blame, it’s just telling the truth.
Mitch´s last blog ..Understanding Your Own Patterns
Well Mitch, that’s a good insight we all should consider. Thank you for contributing some light on this matter.
Hey! Awesome site! I will definatley be coming back in the near future =)
Hey, thanks a lot Sir. Hope to see you here again.
when we fail to achieve any thing we balme three thing 1- an event and this so convenient, because here you got story and the story may be accurate but blaming will never empower you it give no power and reinforce the idea that the out side world controls you , 2- balme someone else , it might be your boss, you partner,your colleague, your your childern , 3- balming yourself will not make it better i didn’t mean don’t be responsible, when balme youreslf you are not being responsibel you are beating yourself up , when you are responsibel you can make change remember we are in charge about how we feel ,if you are not happy in area of your life change it , change your life condition ,you will never do that as long as you are balming someone else , what you got to do stop balming others be resposibel and take action to make a change
Thank you for such a deep insight Hassan. Indeed, blaming does not have any benefit other than our own suffering. Relinquishing this negative attitude will give us the opportunity to realize our capacity to make a change.