Life is all lessons…ignorance is not a destiny…
This is a guest post from my fellow blogger Tomas Stonkus of Uncertainchange.com. I find his thoughts interesting and I want to share it with you.
When I sat down to write this article, I wanted to call it: “What Love Really Is”. As soon as I started writing, it hit me. All of us are unique and all of us experience life differently. That is why we all have a unique understanding of what love is. Trying to prove to you what love really is would be simply pointless. I would be dissing your intelligence and your experiences in life by stating that you all are wrong and I am right about love.
Instead, I will just give you my unique perspective on love. I will tell you what I think love is not, what it is, and what it ought to be. Maybe, just maybe my insight will enrich your life and add a unique perspective that was not there before.
Love as an Emotion
Emotions are very similar to a compass. Emotions provide us with valuable information, telling us the direction in which we are headed. Emotions tell us if the actions that we are taking or the environment that we are in is beneficial to us or if it is hurting us. When we look at a compass, we know if we are going the right direction only if we know where we are trying to get. If we just had a compass and no idea of where to go to, the compass would be useless to us. Same goes for emotions.
Emotions can be extremely useful if you know what you want in your life. Otherwise, emotions can become a hindrance in our lives. Emotions are means to our ends; however, many people confuse emotions for ends instead of the means. That is a very dangerous situation because then individuals start chasing emotions, which eventually leads to addictions and unhappiness. Can you imagine chasing the feeling of being full as your life purpose? Not as fulfilling, is it?
I believe that many people make the same mistake with the feeling of “love”. People simply get addicted to the feelings of attraction towards another person or group of people. Many do not understand that the feeling they are experiencing is simply telling you that you are attracted to the other person and that he or she is a possible good match for you. It does not necessarily mean that you “love” them. All it means is that you are attracted to them. That feeling or emotion is only giving you one piece of information on which to base your decision.
Chances are that if you know what type of person you are looking for, you will see through the emotions and will evaluate that person on a deeper level to see if he or she is a good match. However, if you are just chasing the feeling, you will make many mistakes and fall in “love” with many incompatible people in your life.
***One important thing to keep in mind is this: the above-described feeling of “love” does not only apply to romantic lovers; it also applies to family and friends. Naturally, there are varying levels of intensity and intent, yet the underlying concept is the same. ***
Love as an Action
Naturally, the feeling of “love” causes us to act in certain way to attract the other person to us. Emotions translate into actions. However, those actions usually last only as long as the feeling of “love” lasts. Once the biological feeling of attraction is gone, we are no longer motivated to act in “loving “way as there is no longer a purpose behind those actions. Some people stop acting in a “loving” way all together and many relationships are lost.
Others, however, continue acting in a “loving” way and continue displaying attention and affection to the other person even though that original feeling of “love” is not there anymore. One of the explanations for that would be a newly found deeper connection of oneness with another person, which did not exist there before. We start to see that we are not so different at all and that we connect on many intimate levels with that person. The saying “The more personal, the more universal” starts to carry some weight.
One of the hardest things at this point of time is treating the other person with love despite how they treat us. It is the ability to see beyond negativity and still maintain positivity within our hearts regardless of the circumstances. Now, this does not mean staying with the other person regardless of what they are doing, it only means that you still care for them and would be there for them if they needed you. Just because you love somebody, does not mean that you have to be with them.
Once you are able to act in a loving way with people that are close to you, the next step is treat everybody as if they are close to you.
Love as a State of Being
Acting in a loving way towards everybody around you, despite their relationship to you is what I would call being in the state of love.
Your natural state becomes love. It is not an emotion or a feeling, but it is a much deeper and permanent understanding of the way the world and people are put together. You act in a loving way towards everybody; the differences among people disappear because you are able to connect with everybody on the most fundamental levels possible. It means to have gone through the toughest emotional, mental, physical and spiritual challenges and have learned and grown from them. It means being able to relate to everybody on a deep universal level. It means to become a symbol of universal and unconditional love.
That is what I would call true love.
Only a few people have reached this level of love. From the top of my head, I can think of Buddha, Jesus, Gandhi, and Mother Theresa just to name a few. I believe that gaining this level of understanding and wisdom is something that all of us should strive for. That way we would be able to feel, understand and connect with the rest of the world on a completely different level. Are we all going to achieve the state of love? Chances are that we will not. Yet, it is important to at least understand and be aware of the different levels of love in order to live a fulfilling life.
If you find this article interesting subscribe HERE.
Only if you find necessary
DO YOURSELF A FAVOR. GROW IN SPIRIT:
Pitfalls of instant gratification
Crippling habits people embrace
Why are we having problems with problem
P.S.
Our lifetime is not enough to know all the experiences of life. Therefore, we need to have other sources in maximizing our understanding of the many facets of our existence. In this regard I am bound to share with you the most powerful materials that have shaken my foundation and have changed my life as well as the lives of many.
Life is full of questions but I have found answers in perusing the books: The Road Less Traveled, Man’s Search for Meaning and The Power of Now, these has given me light on the deepest nature of man. Still, in searching for ways of enhancing my life I have found: Think and Grow Rich, The Magic of Thinking Big and Thick Face Black Heart. In matters of understanding my mind I was greatly enlightened by the suspense filled novel’s Way of the Peaceful Warrior, A Rich Man’s Secret and The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. And finally, I have understood the pattern of my finances through reading Secrets of the Millionaire Mind.
Everything we wish in life will come upon us if we first seek the wisdom of knowing.
Nobody wants to listen 96 comment(s) 
Never give up 88 comment(s) 
Why are we having problems with problem? 74 comment(s) 
Criticism: the unwanted mentor 71 comment(s) 
Pitfalls of instant gratification 69 comment(s) 
Success is nothing to be afraid of 69 comment(s) 
The caveats of blogging 69 comment(s) 
Crippling habits people embrace 68 comment(s) 
Success eludes mediocrity 68 comment(s) 
The essence of giving 67 comment(s) 
Love eternal 67 comment(s) 
The counsel of death 63 comment(s) 
Who is to blame? 62 comment(s) How to unleash your true capacity 61 comment(s) 
Lasting aspirations? 60 comment(s) 
Slave of the mind 57 comment(s) Finding myself beyond my identity 55 comment(s) 
Senseless arbitrariness 54 comment(s) 
The reason behind adversities 53 comment(s) 
The only thing you need to know to achieve your goals 52 comment(s) 
There has been way too much focus on romantic love in the West for the last century. It’s cheapened love and sold lots of books and movies.
Glad there’s someone still trying to take love to a higher level.
Gordie´s last blog ..2009 Recap Of Lifestyle Design For You. 
Dear Gordie:
People have been focusing on their emotions for way too long here in the West. It is also true that it has been commercialized.
If you come to think about it, the greatest way to make money is from emotions because they are cyclical. People get hooked on their emotions and it is hard to get out.
Reaching that higher level of love is difficult, but I think it’s worth it.
Best,
Tomas
The West thinks that they have risen above these concepts and think of themselves as cool. You know what they say about ‘things’ like Truth, Love, Kindness, etc? They say it’s ‘over-rated’. I myself feel really good and cool when I look down at something and say it’s over-rated. But of course it’s all artificial because everyone knows deep down that things like love are way more than what we know about it. And like Tomas said, it’s pointless to try to prove what it really is, because it’s fathomless.
James M.´s last blog ..Smooth Link Scrolling
Dear James:
It is true that people in the West seem to focus on other things. However, one thing that I have to say is this: It’s not a bad thing.
Nothing in life is bad. Everything has a lesson. People act they way they do because they need to learn a lesson.
It seems that you have learned that lesson, but the West as you say might need to go through the phase of thinking of love and compassion as being over-rated to only later realize how much it actually matters.
I was not born perfect, nobody was. We all go through life and learn. Some people take less than others and other take more. It is OK.
One thing that gives a lot of strength is this: It’s Just a Matter of Time! It’s just a matter of time before the West or anybody the world will discover the value of love and spirituality.
Best,
Tomas
Tomas Stonkus´s last blog ..Reconsidering Love
Unconditional love is an extremely hard state to reach. If someone slaps me in the face and I’m trying to help them. I would get upset. Maybe Buddha or Jesus would still be able to love them. They trained their minds to see every act as a way to extract love. Maybe the person who slapped me went about it the wrong way, but did they realize what they were doing. Probably not.
I think it comes down to what you said in the beginning using our emotions to guide us. We can’t use them as an ends to the means, but as a map to help us through this journey.
Karl:
After I read your comment I realized this: it’s all about how we teach ourselves to respond to a “slap in a face”. Throughout life, we learn a ton of destructive ways to respond to situations in life.
Rarely if ever anybody really teaches us the constructive way to respond to “slaps in the face” in life. Your “natural” reaction is to get upset.
Only through practice and dedication we will be able to break away from destructive habits and move towards unconditional love. It’s all about being aware of how we respond and changing those responses.
Best,
Tomas
Tomas Stonkus´s last blog ..Happy Holidays!
@Tomas: Though I agree with you that people should try to strive for this sort of universal love, I think putting conditions on it is crucial. Not because it’s beyond our grasp to unconditionally love, but because of the society we have created. It is sad to say but for the most part it’s a gotten to a point of a dog-eat-dog corporate world where if you tried to help someone and they return the favor by slapping you in the face, people view you as the fool. It’s a harsh fact of life… but I do agree that people as a whole have the ability to strive for a greater love for each other. But it must be achieved only through destroying the current state of society we have built, where we all circle around the $.
Hey Robby:
Very interesting point. It seems like you are talking about a vicious circle of hate. Yet the only way to break out of it is to become the change that you want to see in the world.
See, if you do not step up to take a stance and start doing something about it, then nobody will. It all starts with one person. Many people are sleeping, and they need to be woken up.
Loving somebody does not mean putting yourself down or hurting yourself. No! It means creating situation that are win win for you and for others and rejecting situations that are lose win.
Moreover, who cares if you look like a fool? If you know that you are doing the right thing, why would you need anybody else to validate your actions?
All of that requires a lot of work and sometimes changing the environment to a more loving and accepting one might be just the change that you need in your life.
Best,
Tomas
Tomas Stonkus´s last blog ..Weekly Update
I have to say I understand Robby’s view too. The view he proposes is a difficult one that many ‘blind’ optimists work hard to avoid. Maybe it’s the area I’ve grown up in, seeing the true ghetto and dealing with people who are just ‘actors’ that turn around and stab your back.
I guess this sort of view toward the world occurs when you had experience working in gang infested poverty stricken areas where it is a daily struggle for survival. This was also true when I worked in Hollywood which was even more of a violation of one’s soul.
Aside from that, when one finds their small circle of ‘true’ friends, it is a win-win situation!
Ken Kurosawa´s last blog ..How to Improve Your Odds of Achieving Your New Years Resolution
Great post, Tomas. I really enjoyed it. Love is the most powerful force in the universe, and we can’t go wrong spending as much time as we can learning about and ruminating on it. Hmmm… perhaps sharing it as well.
I really want to get to a point where I can act in a loving way towards everybody. I know I would find so much more peace there, and better the experience of those around me. Some people make it so HARD, though. And to be honest, sometimes I’m just in a very introspective, grumpy mood and I don’t really notice those around me, and in turn may not do or say the right thing. I should really work on being in the moment.
Again, thanks!
Heather Kephart´s last blog ..Zombie Attack Imminent!
Dear Heather:
Thank you for such a great response! It’s true that instead of learning about love we should act in love as well.
They key to reaching to state of love is just reprogramming your responses to stressful situations. Most of it has to do with practice and consistency. If you work on that, I am sure you will be able to reach the state of love sooner or later!
Best,
Tomas
Tomas Stonkus´s last blog ..Happy Holidays!
Hi Tomas,
Actually, today on my blog, I wrote an article about my thoughts on love. So it was interesting to read your post.
To me, love is a way of being and it has to be unconditional. I think that is what Buddha, Jesus and so many others were advocating. Unconditional love is rooted in tolerance. So often people want to control another or change them to fit what they want. That is not love…that is control.
The ancient Greeks divided love into categories. The first level was eros (romantic), then philia (family/friends) and then the culmination was agape which was unconditional love (Godly like love).
I do think it is possible to be rooted in unconditional love. It takes a lot of work to get to that point because it is a matter of perception and training your brain not to react from ego but from tolerance. The more secure a person is with who they are, the easier it is to love another without condition.
Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..An Honest and Open Look at Love
Hi Nadia:
I have learned something new. It is funny that sometimes I think I come up with these really cool ideas only to realize that they have been talked about and (probably) already solved a thousand years ago
At least I am going in the right direction, right?
Unconditional love requires complete awareness and understanding of yourself. It seems that only when you understand yourself, only then you can understand others.
It is good to know that I am not the only one thinking about this.
Best of luck,
Tomas
Tomas Stonkus´s last blog ..Weekly Update
Interesting post about the different interpretations on what is love.
This is really hard to do: “Once you are able to act in a loving way with people that are close to you, the next step is treat everybody as if they are close to you.” Do you agree that everyone deserves to be loved? Or are there people out there who are just unlovable? Hmmm…I would like to think that everyone has something in them to be lovable (i.e. a Mother’s love for her child), but I also think that there is evil in the world. This means that I have to think that some people can’t be loved. I also wouldn’t want their evilness to be close to me.
Interesting.
Karen´s last blog ..Just For Today Challenge – 31 Days To A Better You
Dear Karen:
Thank for a thought provoking comment. Hmmm….
The simple answers to your questions are the following: Everybody deserves love because nobody in the world is evil.
Reasoning why that is the case to me is much more difficult and I am afraid I am not going to be able to answer this question completely.
However, to me evil is just lack of love and sometimes the only thing that is needed to eliminate the evil is just a little bit of love and care.
The first thing that comes to my mind is this: Hate is yet to be overcome with hate. Only love overcomes hate. To me, evil means seeking attention and wanting to be loved. So if we want to make a world a better place, we have to learn to love our biggest enemies.
I hope this clears up why I feel about love the way I do.
Best,
TOmas
Tomas Stonkus´s last blog ..Weekly Update
Really nice post..
But to me, Love is, easy to feel, but difficult to deal..
Once it is a gr8 article..thanks for sharing..
S.Pradeep Kumar´s last blog ..5 Ways To Show Related Posts On Your Blog 
Dear S.Pradeep:
I am flattered that you liked it. Love is a difficult thing to understand and much more difficult to act on it.
Best,
Tomas
Tomas Stonkus´s last blog ..Weekly Update
Talking honestly, for me love is something about care and feel. even though when lover is not infront of me. BE HONEST with your love , u will gonna feel security in LIFE!
Scorpion´s last blog ..Marriage and love , unmatch patch
Dear Scorpion:
That is the exact reason why I did not title the article “What Love Really Is”
Best,
Tomas
Tomas Stonkus´s last blog ..Reconsidering Love
When you are talking about love, I am speechless. This feeling is very unique and for sure, you can’t describe it easily.
I’m experiencing it right now. But, in a bad way. I want to marry someone that I love but my parent disallow me from marry him. It’s very hurt. Sometimes, I don’t know how some parents don’t understand their children’s love instead they ever felt that and love each other.
Is the feeling or degree of love different each other? Is their love never as strong as like we ever had? That’s the thing I always flying in my mind since I’m facing the problem.
Fatin Pauzi´s last blog ..How to Apply UK Credit Card
Dear Fatin:
It seems like you are in a very difficult situation. Dealing with your parents is never easy.
Although I am not sure what the exact situation you are facing, I can provide some insight as to why they are reacting the way they are.
To begin with, your parents love you very much and this case seems like they are being overprotective. They feel like they know what the best is for you. Chances are that they do not feel that you would be happy with that other person. They are just being overprotective because they are insecure and afraid of you making a mistake.
It is not that they do not understand how you feel, it’s just that they want to protect you. The best thing to do would be to show that you are responsible and grown up individual who can make her own decisions and take responsibility for the outcome of those decisions.
Sometimes, it might be the best just to talk to them and ask them what is going on. Also, you should ask yourself as to why they are so against it and try to understand how they feel. Open communication might be the best solution in this case.
In short, parents are just afraid for their children and want to protect them. Marriage is a huge commitment and they just want to make sure you are making the right choice. It has little to do with their understanding of your situation.
I hope this adds to the clarity, if not, feel free to contact me by submitting a comment on my site.
Best,
Tomas
Tomas Stonkus´s last blog ..Reconsidering Love
Some think they want love, but what they actually desire is falling in love. And they mistake that feeling for love.
Like you mentioned, love is a deeper connection with someone. It’s caring unconditionally.
Great job bringing to light this difference. Very enlightening to someone who might genuinely want one thing (love) but is confused and unknowingly pursuing another (falling in love). Naturally, they won’t get what they’re after.
By becoming conscious of their emotions, and utilizing them as a compass, they can re-align their path and achieve love in their relationships.
Oleg Mokhov´s last blog ..3 Reasons Why You’re Awesome
Hey Oleg:
The awesome and to the point comment. Being aware of the difference and types of love can truly eye opening for many people.
Best,
Tomas
Tomas Stonkus´s last blog ..Reconsidering Love
Hi Thomas and Walter – I love your “State of Being” description, Thomas. I reckon you can only “see” things that are a reflection of you in some way, so if you can see love the way you describe, you are already experiencing it in some way – it’s not just for Buddha etc.
Cheers – love from Robin
Dear Robin:
Thanks for the encouragement! Unconditional love can be achieved by anybody seeking it. It only depends if it something that we are willing to work for.
I am sure all of us experience those moments of bliss where everything just makes sense, where we truly understand what love is!
Best,
Tomas
Tomas Stonkus´s last blog ..Reconsidering Love
Faith, hope and love; but the greatest of these is love. Wonderful post.
Erin´s last blog ..Press On, Stay Focused, Take a Risk
Dear Erin:
Thank you for support. Love is truly the greatest of them all!
Best,
Tomas
Tomas Stonkus´s last blog ..Reconsidering Love
This post came at a perfect time for me. “One of the hardest things at this point of time is treating the other person with love despite how they treat us.” Those words are so true. Thank you for the rational insight.
Holley´s last blog ..A Personal Look Back at 2009
Dear Holley:
You are welcome! Remember that it is just a matter of choice
Best,
Tomas
Tomas Stonkus´s last blog ..An Effective Way To Set Goals
Love is you and you are love, how a person wishes to define the workings out of this is for them to decide, yet emotions, actions dont make you more or less loving they only express a facet of what you already are. Attainment is not required, only awareness.
Jon | Adventures of The Fearless´s last blog ..The Future of Spirituality
Dear Jon:
Very very interesting. From what I understand you are saying that love is already within us and that we do not need to acquire it, we just need to become of our love dwelling within us.
Very interesting concept. Thank you for sharing. This is something that I will have to consider for myself.
Best,
Tomas
Tomas Stonkus´s last blog ..An Effective Way To Set Goals
What a wonderful topic to contemplate! In particular, I liked your idea of being in the state of love. Over, the years I have experienced many different shades of love. The love of a child for their parent, then young romantic love, parental love which is close to unconditional love, and once I experienced that “state of being” you refer to. I will try to explain this: It was more than a practice that had become fulfilled. It was an actual State Of Being. Nothing but Love existed within it or outside of it. It is almost out of body in that it stands alone. It does not need to be fed, shared, contemplated or practiced. It is the only thing there is in the end. In our human incarnation we are striving for it without understanding it. This is paradoxical because in the end….we are it! Great posting Tomas!
Nancy:
It is great to have somebody speak from their experience. At least that I know that I am not talking gibberish
Indeed this gives me strength to continue on searching and growing to ultimately experience the state of being called love.
I am sure it is impossible to describe it in words but at least I know it is there
Best,
Tomas